Following Through With Agreements

No matter how seemingly small or trivial, the lack of follow through is one of the more destructive dynamics in an on-ongoing relationship.  Whether you agreed to pick up the kids at 4:00, walk the dog before work, pick up a cluttered area in the house, return a phone call or show up at a designated time, these are sacred agreements and deserve to be treated as such. 

 

Sacred?, you say, is it really that important in the scope of things?  In actuality, it constitutes the very fabric of relationship for it is all about trust and reliability.  By not following through, one becomes untrustworthy in the eyes of the partner.  There are many dire consequences for the relationship when this becomes a pattern over time. 

 

One of the ways agreements break down often happens early in the process.  For instance when one person does not know or fully understand what they are agreeing to.  Sometimes a "yes" is given just to placate, or to not have to think about the logistics involved, or to prevent potential conflict.  The other person can also be equally complicit in this lack of clarity perhaps by accepting a half-hearted "yes" or not clearly expressing their expectations or even by setting up the partner for already anticipated failure.

 

Spend whatever the upfront time it takes to get clear.  Assess accurately the time required and your motivation to fulfill this request.  Be willing to say "no" if you are not able to commit to the follow through.  If you agree, make sure that the timeframe for completion is part of the understanding.  Once agreed upon, consider this sacred between you. 

 

If you find that you need to change this agreement, then you must bring it up accordingly.  Remember, you are changing a sacred agreement that now needs to be thoroughly readdressed.  If you break the agreement, then take full responsibility for your lack of follow through.  This is your partner afterall and the message you gave by not following through is that he/she does not matter to you, is not worthy of your respect, and that you are not interested in working as a team.

 

Do you still think that it is only about not walking the dog?