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Saturday, April 27, 2013

Marital vs. Martial

I find it interesting that the difference between the words "marital" and "martial" is merely the placement of an "I".  Isn't it the case that how we insert ourselves in our relationships can become the difference between working together (marital meaning relating to) or generating conflict (martial meaning relating against).  This is a profound distinction solely determined by the positioning of "I".
 
Are you aware of how you enter into a discussion with your partner?  Do you impose your "I" into the conversation without true regard for other?  Do you insist on being attended to? heard?  Do you show up already wanting a particular outcome, attached to having it go your way?  Is your underlying tenet one of respect for the collaboration or do you come ready for a battle? 
 
Marital vs. Martial - is up to "I".

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Fact or Fiction

The one hope we have regarding transformational change - that is to once and for all end conflict and suffering in our lives - is to begin to ground ourselves in reality.  In fact, aligning oneself with reality - what IS true vs. what we want to be true - is the very meaningful act of change itself.  Sound easy? 
 
The realization of how extraordinarily difficult this is for each of us to do in every moment is also a reality and a necessary starting point. 
Consider the ways in which we attempt to avoid reality, the ways we trick ourselves into believing a more palpable story.  We deny the facts, uphold an image of ourselves that we want to be true.  We create a story, then choose to believe it, so much so that we are no longer even conscious that we made it up in the first place.  And did I mention that we are very adept, well-practiced story-crafters.  We can build a case, compile the supporting arguments and then justify our actions based on this fictional story.
 
Pick an example from your life, any instance, big or small, where conflict exists.  Look into it.  What assumptions are operating?  When you truly hold these assumptions up to the light of investigation do they seamlessly match the facts? Can you truly stop and challenge the arrived at conclusions long enough to ask open questions?  Are these assumptions really the truth or are you turning assumptions into 'fact' and by doing so conveniently avoiding reality.  Look into it.