Many of us growing up were not given the message that we had a right to feel our feelings - especially those emotions that caused discomfort in the caregivers around us. As a result, the message that becomes internalized is that feelings are unsafe, not acceptable, to be denied in order to feel lovable. As human beings, we have a right to our full human experience much of which includes the complexity of our emotional landscape. It is tragic when anything less than this truth is conveyed.
What is simitaneously true is that what we do with our feelings now, as adults, is our responsibility. Just because we have strong emotions - perhaps a notable proportion of which are accumulated from the past - does not justify acting out from them in hurtful ways towards others. This tendency to throw them onto others so as to stave off ones own discomfort is nothing less than aggressive. This can take the form of criticising, blaming, demanding, withdrawing, manipulating, expecting, punishing...Taking repsonsibility to not act out in this manner requires acknowledging ones emotions directly - and without conditions. Irregardless of the anticipated fallout, the fear of conflict, the discomfort of vulnerability, it is our responsibility to own our feelings outloud in relationship.
We have a right to our feelings and a responsibility for our actions.
