Relationships inevitably experience conflict. Two people bring inherent differences which can make bridging the space between challenging. Conflict can become a deal breaker for relationships. But conflict, when addressed openly, directly, responsibly can create a new depth of understanding, a new emphathy for seeing the world through other eyes. It can be a catalyst for discovering a new layer of intimacy. In other words, it is not the conflict itself that is the problem, it is how we respond to it.
What is your association with conflict? Do you see it as a bad thing, an event to be avoided at all costs? Do you use it as an outlet when stress and tension have peaked? Does it operate to create distance with your partner? Is it the result of silencing your own voice over time?
It can help to review how conflict was expressed in your original family. How much tolerance was there for everyone having and expressing their feelings? Did disagreements get swept under the carpet or did they escalate into violence? Like it or not, how we were exposed to conflict and what we learned as a result is what we bring to our adult relationships. It takes intention, self'-observation and interruption of old patterns to establish a new way of working with and through conflict. This becomes the difference between an ongoing erosion of a relationship or the strengthening of the banks.
