Pages

Monday, April 26, 2010

Uncovering real love begins with an exploration of hate.

In other words, we must be willing to look at the ways in which we cause our partners pain. No one wants to see how they are aggressive towards their loved one, even at the expense of knowing real love. I strongly resisted the truth about my manipulative behavior, but I absolutely wanted to have it my way, wanted to control outcomes. I wasn’t interested in being in partnership when it came to making decisions; I secretly (or not so) thought I was superior to him; I was just fine with getting my needs met elsewhere. I wasn’t willing to prioritize the relationship over and above what I wanted. All these and many more were the ways that I was acting violently in the marriage. I use ‘violent’, because it is the opposite of loving actions, because the consequence is pain, because anything less than this truth serves to justify, rationalize, and minimize the impact on another human being.

Being open to seeing the ways we express hatred towards our partners makes all the difference in discovering love.

Monday, April 19, 2010

From the beginning...

We heal in relationship. My life and work have been and continue to be transformed by this very truth. Hence, “2 to Heal”.

Attempting to describe what it means to be fully “in relationship” and what the journey towards “healing” requires of us is the goal of this site.

I have been a psychotherapist for twenty five years, but it wasn’t until I addressed the culminating crisis in my own marriage fifteen years ago, that I began to learn what it really means to be in relationship. The process by which my husband and I worked to transform our own relationship (with the aid of the sage therapist, Gary Sall) now informs who I am as a therapist, how I work with couples, and, very importantly, how I live my life. For you see, nothing less than complete integration will ever be enough. But I get ahead of myself.